Step up

Sunday our pastor started a new series, one about Jonah, and about our Mission. Not THE Mission, though that does factor, or should, into everything we do. But Our Mission, the one personal to each and every one of us, that defines us as we go throughout life. Some people are meant to be teachers, some people are meant to be leaders, some to serve, etc.

And some of us aren't entirely sure. It's one thing to say follow your passion, and make that central to your calling. I honestly don't know what I'd say my passion/calling is. Sad, huh? I mean, there's a lot of things I'm interested in, and a lot of things I can do and do well, but I don't know what I'd say my life's goals are.

There's a lot of things I could blame for that. A lot of excuses. Laziness, for one. Every time I think on something to give me direction in life, I back away because it seems too hard, or too big for me. It's not been by choice that I'm still a secretary at my university: It's apathy. EXTREME apathy.

Take last night. I got a call from a friend who's about 5 1/2 months pregnant needing an emergency sitter so she could run to the doctor. And I hesitated in saying yes.

Thinking on it now, I'm appalled at myself, for thinking for even a minute that anything I might have planned to do would be more important than safeguarding the life growing inside her.

God spoke to me in that moment. If you think your mission might just simply be to serve, why aren't you serving?

So I said yes, jumped in the car, and started over, only for her to call back and say it was fine, she'd wait til her husband came home.

But talk about a wake-up call. I've gotten so lazy in terms of how I relate to people, how I value people...

We learned at our church's women's retreat that "to the extent that we love is the extent that we worship." Worship is an outpouring of our love, for whatever we're worshiping. And if I'm being truly honest with myself, I don't worship anything, because I don't love anything. Or, if I'm being brutally honest with myself, I love myself more than anything else, and all my time and attention is going towards things that make me feel good, for however long it lasts.

God wants me to make a covenant with him. One that puts him absolutely first, and me absolutely last. Pray for me that I find the ability to give over to Him, and let the Holy Spirit take control.