In re-reading my previous post, I wanted to laugh. It was only 2 days before I ended up back in the hospital.
Let me explain. My blood thinner level was, once I was out of the hospital, way too high. We were trying to battle it back down, but it was taking a while. In the meantime, because I'd gone off birth control, I was looking at 'that time of the month' to coin the phrase. You know what doesn't go well together? Blood thinners and menstruation.
So after 3 days of being unable to do anything, getting progressively dizzier, calling my old roommate in California with the confession that I'm afraid to go to sleep, because I'm worried I won't wake up, having to crawl to an from the bathroom (and needing to take breaks because the 15 feet between the two doors was too much, I had my roommate call the paramedics to take me in.
The normal hemoglobin level for a woman is around a 12. Mine was down to about a 5. Plus, I had such low blood volume that even though I'd stopped taking the blood thinners (couldn't get a hold of a doctor for medical advice, grr), my INR levels were UP. The paramedics apparently were grilling my roommate because of how pale I looked. Beyond last time's 'waxy', I was into 'vampire' pale. They admitted me into the hospital again, and I got 4 whole blood transfusions and 2 plasma transfusions. The nearly faded bruises from my first visit were rekindled, as both arms were pricked time and again. Though everyone was having trouble starting IV's with me. Apparently my veins were bouncing all over the place.
Ultimately, I got out okay, and a week later, flew to Tucson, and spent the better part of July with my family. When you're feeling low, either physically or emotionally, sometimes the best thing is just to be with your loved ones.
I even managed to land some phone interviews as I continued my job search from AZ. And upon arriving back 1 1/2 weeks ago, got several face to face interviews. None of which panned out. And in all honesty, I'm probably feeling worse about the job situation than my health. I can't really do much more than take my meds for my health, and try to eat healthy. The job thing, I can do something for it.
Which might be the lesson. Until I learn to let go of wanting a job, I won't get one. Or maybe it's just that I'm aiming too high. Or I shouldn't be looking at university work. In any case, I am floundering. My future's up in the air. I feel more alone than I did before (save the nights I was afraid to sleep in June).
I don't say this to complain, but to be brutally honest with myself. I'm scared. I have been trying to be optimistic and hopeful, but that doesn't come naturally to me. If I wasn't barred from drinking by my meds, I might have drowned my sorrows (as it was, my candy stash grew exponentially). I don't know where to go from here. I'll keep applying for jobs, sure, but waiting on them just doesn't seem possible right now.
I guess I just wanted to say something, instead of bottling it up. I like to think I can handle keeping things to myself, but I really can't. And most of the time writing things out helps me to feel a little better.
But I miss everyone. I miss the people at my old job, my church family, my family family, just everyone. I didn't like living in CA, but how I wish I could have brought you all with me. I like Austin a lot, but I know so few people here, it feels much like I did seven years ago, when I moved to CA. And I felt very alone then.
To end things on an up note, I do want to say that I've gotten through all the paperwork/registration/license stuff to be considered a Texas resident. My car Percy now sports Texas tags. And has had his A/C fixed, which is a relief, literally. Now I get to focus exclusively on job searching, and maybe even trying a temp service.
Let me explain. My blood thinner level was, once I was out of the hospital, way too high. We were trying to battle it back down, but it was taking a while. In the meantime, because I'd gone off birth control, I was looking at 'that time of the month' to coin the phrase. You know what doesn't go well together? Blood thinners and menstruation.
So after 3 days of being unable to do anything, getting progressively dizzier, calling my old roommate in California with the confession that I'm afraid to go to sleep, because I'm worried I won't wake up, having to crawl to an from the bathroom (and needing to take breaks because the 15 feet between the two doors was too much, I had my roommate call the paramedics to take me in.
The normal hemoglobin level for a woman is around a 12. Mine was down to about a 5. Plus, I had such low blood volume that even though I'd stopped taking the blood thinners (couldn't get a hold of a doctor for medical advice, grr), my INR levels were UP. The paramedics apparently were grilling my roommate because of how pale I looked. Beyond last time's 'waxy', I was into 'vampire' pale. They admitted me into the hospital again, and I got 4 whole blood transfusions and 2 plasma transfusions. The nearly faded bruises from my first visit were rekindled, as both arms were pricked time and again. Though everyone was having trouble starting IV's with me. Apparently my veins were bouncing all over the place.
Ultimately, I got out okay, and a week later, flew to Tucson, and spent the better part of July with my family. When you're feeling low, either physically or emotionally, sometimes the best thing is just to be with your loved ones.
I even managed to land some phone interviews as I continued my job search from AZ. And upon arriving back 1 1/2 weeks ago, got several face to face interviews. None of which panned out. And in all honesty, I'm probably feeling worse about the job situation than my health. I can't really do much more than take my meds for my health, and try to eat healthy. The job thing, I can do something for it.
Which might be the lesson. Until I learn to let go of wanting a job, I won't get one. Or maybe it's just that I'm aiming too high. Or I shouldn't be looking at university work. In any case, I am floundering. My future's up in the air. I feel more alone than I did before (save the nights I was afraid to sleep in June).
I don't say this to complain, but to be brutally honest with myself. I'm scared. I have been trying to be optimistic and hopeful, but that doesn't come naturally to me. If I wasn't barred from drinking by my meds, I might have drowned my sorrows (as it was, my candy stash grew exponentially). I don't know where to go from here. I'll keep applying for jobs, sure, but waiting on them just doesn't seem possible right now.
I guess I just wanted to say something, instead of bottling it up. I like to think I can handle keeping things to myself, but I really can't. And most of the time writing things out helps me to feel a little better.
But I miss everyone. I miss the people at my old job, my church family, my family family, just everyone. I didn't like living in CA, but how I wish I could have brought you all with me. I like Austin a lot, but I know so few people here, it feels much like I did seven years ago, when I moved to CA. And I felt very alone then.
To end things on an up note, I do want to say that I've gotten through all the paperwork/registration/license stuff to be considered a Texas resident. My car Percy now sports Texas tags. And has had his A/C fixed, which is a relief, literally. Now I get to focus exclusively on job searching, and maybe even trying a temp service.
