In May 2009 I went to LeakyCon, a Harry Potter fan convention in Boston. I know, I know. Laugh all you want. I love the Harry Potter books, and wanted to take the time to A)Be around like-minded people, B) meet some friends I've made online because of our mutual love of the books, and C) visit with my old college roommate who lives in Boston.
While there, the girls I met online joined me in getting Harry Potter tattoos. I know I know. Scold all you want. I'll do a post some other time about my thoughts on tattoos. In any case, mine was fairly straightforward. I got my favorite quote from the book series around my left ankle. I'd post a picture, but it's a bit difficult to get a wrap-around shot :)
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."
Some friends noticed it this past weekend, and asked about it. Now, I've had it well over a year, but sometimes I forget why I got it. Not just because it's a Harry Potter thing, but because the sentiment it expresses is something I constantly need to remind myself.
I choose. Because we do, right? We choose to get up in the morning, we choose to eat that piece of chocolate, we choose to watch that movie, we choose to go down that road, even though we know it's not where we want to be. We choose the things that define us.
In March 2001 I chose Jesus. I chose to walk His walk, to talk His talk. I chose to be grafted into His kingdom, to love like He loves, to seek His will.
Sometimes I forget that as much as I made those choices, He made the choice for me. He choose to save me, He chose to indwell me. Sometimes all I can see is my own choices, or the lack of choice in a situation. Not that there ever isn't a choice, however hard it might be. Its just easier to think of the hard road as being not an option.
Maybe I need another Harry Potter quote tattooed on me. "Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy."
So today, I choose to follow Jesus. I can't say if I'll do the right thing and follow Him tomorrow, or worry about my choices yesterday, but today, I choose Jesus.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Repetition
In the Bible, when God wants to hammer something home, He repeats it. A LOT. Its really not that different for us in today's world. God will repeat Himself until we get it. Something to be grateful for, even when you want to escape the message He's sending.
Between the sermon yesterday morning, the Sunday School lesson I taught, and today's entry in My Utmost for His Highest, I'm getting a very clear picture.
Obedience. God wants me to obey. More than that, God wants me to CHOOSE to obey, to CHOOSE Him and His Will.
Yeah, this makes me ouch a bit. Because I haven't been choosing for God for a while now, I've been choosing for me. And for my selfish reasons.
I was talking a little bit to a friend yesterday about why I have this tendency to cover up when I'm struggling, or not address it, or share it, or anything that would make the problem... well, not go away, but give it over to the One who can do something about it. For me, it's people. I know how flawed people are, yet I love them all the same, and the thought of disappointing people, or angering, or just letting them down is a bit terrifying to me. I've dealt with rejection all my life, and most of the time I know God won't reject me. Most of the time, it's not God's rejection I'm worried about. It's His body's rejection I fear.
If you identify as a Christian, you don't do so in a vaccuum. It can be as much about fellowship as it is about relationship with God. People who try to sustain a faith by themselves away from a church hurt for the lack of community. I know, I've been there at times. It is why I worry so about how my actions are perceived by the community of believers I belong to.
God takes me as I am, addictions and all. People don't have to. They can try, because they want to be like Jesus, but they don't have to accept me. And there's times I expect them not to accept me.
Being alone isn't the same as being lonely. When you're lonely, there's something you can do about it. You can choose to change your circumstances, to be with people. When you're alone, you feel like that's not an option. You're locked into your isolation, into a prison of your own making. God guarantees we will never be alone. But that doesn't mean we see it that way.
So, God's asking me to make some choices. Make a list. Affirm what I know He's told me, what He's done for me, what I can believe even when I don't want to or think I can. He wants me to see that my will is nowhere near as great as His will. He wants to give me His will. It's one of His greatest gifts, after the sacrifice of His Son. His will is what carries us through our sanctification.
Between the sermon yesterday morning, the Sunday School lesson I taught, and today's entry in My Utmost for His Highest, I'm getting a very clear picture.
Obedience. God wants me to obey. More than that, God wants me to CHOOSE to obey, to CHOOSE Him and His Will.
Yeah, this makes me ouch a bit. Because I haven't been choosing for God for a while now, I've been choosing for me. And for my selfish reasons.
I was talking a little bit to a friend yesterday about why I have this tendency to cover up when I'm struggling, or not address it, or share it, or anything that would make the problem... well, not go away, but give it over to the One who can do something about it. For me, it's people. I know how flawed people are, yet I love them all the same, and the thought of disappointing people, or angering, or just letting them down is a bit terrifying to me. I've dealt with rejection all my life, and most of the time I know God won't reject me. Most of the time, it's not God's rejection I'm worried about. It's His body's rejection I fear.
If you identify as a Christian, you don't do so in a vaccuum. It can be as much about fellowship as it is about relationship with God. People who try to sustain a faith by themselves away from a church hurt for the lack of community. I know, I've been there at times. It is why I worry so about how my actions are perceived by the community of believers I belong to.
God takes me as I am, addictions and all. People don't have to. They can try, because they want to be like Jesus, but they don't have to accept me. And there's times I expect them not to accept me.
Being alone isn't the same as being lonely. When you're lonely, there's something you can do about it. You can choose to change your circumstances, to be with people. When you're alone, you feel like that's not an option. You're locked into your isolation, into a prison of your own making. God guarantees we will never be alone. But that doesn't mean we see it that way.
So, God's asking me to make some choices. Make a list. Affirm what I know He's told me, what He's done for me, what I can believe even when I don't want to or think I can. He wants me to see that my will is nowhere near as great as His will. He wants to give me His will. It's one of His greatest gifts, after the sacrifice of His Son. His will is what carries us through our sanctification.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Perspective
I'm the only daughter in my family, flanked by two brothers. We're all grown, but growing up together we didn't have a whole lot to do with each other. We are all very different people. My older brother went military, is very athletic and aggressive in ways my younger brother and I are not. My younger brother is a dreamer, only has his feet on the ground part of the time, and is very laid back compared to my older brother and I. Me? I'm the one who strives to do things right, to understand things, to control my world through knowledge. About the only thing we have in common is our love and tolerance for our parents and their crazy ways.
For the first time in four years, we were all together. Not since my grandfather died have we all been in the same place. And Saturday night, after walking around the desert museum, we came home, and started talking. Reliving our pasts, if you will, and connecting as grown ups in a way I haven't done before. Not as a family, that is. I've made my peace with both my brothers and parents individually, but never as a group.
And it was really eye-opening, seeing your childhood or key moments through another's perspective. Things that happened around me that I thought I understood were different. I had a relatively uneventful childhood, things only getting stirred when I got involved in the drama of my relatives and siblings. But to see it now as an adult who can't be hurt by it was really something. I'm not sure what I'd call it. Revelatory, I guess.
And I wanted to write about it here because it is one of those experiences I think that will prove to have changed me. I feel it profoundly now, the connection of family. In the past I always longed for it to be more than what it was, but that's not something I'll have with my siblings, my parents. I can create that, someday, but this bond has been cemented, not in the what might have beens, but in the what was and what is.
Still, I do wish I saw them more, if only for the hugs. We're a tactile family, and I sometimes feel starved of human contact, despite being surrounded by people.
For the first time in four years, we were all together. Not since my grandfather died have we all been in the same place. And Saturday night, after walking around the desert museum, we came home, and started talking. Reliving our pasts, if you will, and connecting as grown ups in a way I haven't done before. Not as a family, that is. I've made my peace with both my brothers and parents individually, but never as a group.
And it was really eye-opening, seeing your childhood or key moments through another's perspective. Things that happened around me that I thought I understood were different. I had a relatively uneventful childhood, things only getting stirred when I got involved in the drama of my relatives and siblings. But to see it now as an adult who can't be hurt by it was really something. I'm not sure what I'd call it. Revelatory, I guess.
And I wanted to write about it here because it is one of those experiences I think that will prove to have changed me. I feel it profoundly now, the connection of family. In the past I always longed for it to be more than what it was, but that's not something I'll have with my siblings, my parents. I can create that, someday, but this bond has been cemented, not in the what might have beens, but in the what was and what is.
Still, I do wish I saw them more, if only for the hugs. We're a tactile family, and I sometimes feel starved of human contact, despite being surrounded by people.
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