Try not to think for five minutes.
Yeah, I can't do that. I've tried. Meditation never did it for me. All that did was predispose me to get some sleep. Blogging is in theory for me the practice of emptying your head of thoughts, ideas, and has served as a cathartic purpose like that. But it doesn't shut the brain down.
"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 gives what is, for me, one of the hardest commands of scripture. Not stillness of body, but stillness of mind. Some translations say, 'Cease striving' or 'Our God says, "Calm down," 'Let be and be still', 'Desist', 'Stop', and the most perplexing (The Message) 'Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.'
This past weekend at the Women of Faith conference one of the speakers, Sheila Walsh, put it another way, and I think I get this way the best. 'Let go, and know that I am God.'
Certainly touches on the heart of why I struggle with stillness. How much do we hold on to everyday? How much of our hurts, our fears, our shames, do we wrap around ourselves like an armor? And why?
I have a theory. Being known, being loved by God, truly, completely, and how He intended, is Terrifying.
Take that armor we make. Not God's armor. The stuff we fashion. The defense mechanisms. Paper-thin like a t-shirt, unable to truly protect us, but we frequently go around thinking and behaving as though God hasn't seen it all, heard it all, knows it all when it comes to our lives.
If I was to go to God with all my sins, flaws, talents, ugliness, beauty, I'd have to trust that He won't reject me. That He will do all He promises to do. Love me. Heal me. Restore me. Refine me.
Of course I can give any number of reasons why I don't go running to His throne, knowing what he's promised me. He might ask more than I can give, more than I can do. He might take away something important to me.
All of which boils down to this: I don't trust Him to be who He says He is.
I've blamed God in the past for things that have hurt me, for circumstances not turning out the way I thought they should have, that He promised me, which is untrue, He didn't promise me anything save that he would never leave me nor forsake me.
I've used my addictions as a shield. I've let sin in my life be my defense against the all-powerful love of God. And it hasn't made me happier, or safer, or even stronger. It's merely withered my faith, eroded my hope, and distorted my love.
But that's not the end. I'm not stuck in the place of trying to defend myself by myself, with a shield full of holes and as thin as paper. I'm in a place of learning that I can let it all go, and know that He is God, He will deliver me, and I can trust that, no matter how many times I fall on my face. He'll just set me on my knees.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Truth and Lies
It's been a while since I posted here. I tend to think of this as where I go when I have something profound, or potentially so that I want to work out in a journal space.
There's been a lot on my mind, but what it boils down to is the difference between truth and lies.
Now, I'm fairly absolute in my view of the universe. I believe in universal truth, which tells me that there is right, and there is wrong. So, there has to be truth, because there is lies.
In my search just now, I found that an archaic meaning of truth is fidelity or constancy. I rather like that, because there is a constancy to truth, a faithfulness. So when the bible calls God the God of all truth, it notes and marks His faithfulness, in being unable to lie. It negates all that God is, to lie. Not a hard concept, I mean, Kevin Smith got it right in Dogma!
Now, lies are trickier. Such is the nature of lies, to be tricky. Most of the time you can tell the truth from a lie, either by evidence that directly contradicts the lie, or by that feeling you get, deep inside, when you're being lied to. It sucks, it really does, to be lied to.
It really sucks, though, when you lie to yourself.
I'm very familiar with that kind of lie. Lots of lies revolve around the "can't's". 'I can't do that. I can't lose weight. I can't stop that behavior. He can't like me. He can't find me attractive.' The can't's are tied pretty closely to the "never's". 'I'll never have kids. I'll never get married. I'll never get out of this job/apartment/state.' Yeah, I've told myself pretty much all of those lies.
The thing is, lies can be soooooo attractive. Think about it. If you lie to yourself, you never have to change. If you let lies defeat you, if you believe things that are just completely untrue, then you never run the risk of being disappointed. Never risk being hurt, getting let down, left out, but you never know joy, know how wonderful it can be to be included, to have your expectations fulfilled rather than dashed.
Lies are designed to keep us tied to one place of thinking.
There's a truism about how the only constant is change. I'd go a step further, the greatest change you can ever have is by believing truth. Truth isn't a stagnant thing. It grows you, stretches you, and to quote, sets you free.
the Book of Ephesians talks about the armor of God, and it mentions being girded in the belt of truth. I always liked that. You wear truth around your middle. Why there? To keep your clothes on!
Why is it important to keep your clothes on? Because Isaiah 61:10 says "I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." That's some pretty rocking clothes you wanna keep on.
There's so much to be said for truth. It's not easy. On the contrary, knowing and holding fast to truth in the face of a world that says there's no such thing, that your truth isn't my truth, that there is no truth, that your truth is wrong/hateful/cruel/a lie, that's a tough thing to do. Truth is right up there with faith, in being the challenge that takes an entire lifetime. Lies will come and go, and change as you change. But truth is the constant that takes you through the lies, to greater understanding of who you are, and who you are meant to be.
There's been a lot on my mind, but what it boils down to is the difference between truth and lies.
Now, I'm fairly absolute in my view of the universe. I believe in universal truth, which tells me that there is right, and there is wrong. So, there has to be truth, because there is lies.
In my search just now, I found that an archaic meaning of truth is fidelity or constancy. I rather like that, because there is a constancy to truth, a faithfulness. So when the bible calls God the God of all truth, it notes and marks His faithfulness, in being unable to lie. It negates all that God is, to lie. Not a hard concept, I mean, Kevin Smith got it right in Dogma!
Now, lies are trickier. Such is the nature of lies, to be tricky. Most of the time you can tell the truth from a lie, either by evidence that directly contradicts the lie, or by that feeling you get, deep inside, when you're being lied to. It sucks, it really does, to be lied to.
It really sucks, though, when you lie to yourself.
I'm very familiar with that kind of lie. Lots of lies revolve around the "can't's". 'I can't do that. I can't lose weight. I can't stop that behavior. He can't like me. He can't find me attractive.' The can't's are tied pretty closely to the "never's". 'I'll never have kids. I'll never get married. I'll never get out of this job/apartment/state.' Yeah, I've told myself pretty much all of those lies.
The thing is, lies can be soooooo attractive. Think about it. If you lie to yourself, you never have to change. If you let lies defeat you, if you believe things that are just completely untrue, then you never run the risk of being disappointed. Never risk being hurt, getting let down, left out, but you never know joy, know how wonderful it can be to be included, to have your expectations fulfilled rather than dashed.
Lies are designed to keep us tied to one place of thinking.
There's a truism about how the only constant is change. I'd go a step further, the greatest change you can ever have is by believing truth. Truth isn't a stagnant thing. It grows you, stretches you, and to quote, sets you free.
the Book of Ephesians talks about the armor of God, and it mentions being girded in the belt of truth. I always liked that. You wear truth around your middle. Why there? To keep your clothes on!
Why is it important to keep your clothes on? Because Isaiah 61:10 says "I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." That's some pretty rocking clothes you wanna keep on.
There's so much to be said for truth. It's not easy. On the contrary, knowing and holding fast to truth in the face of a world that says there's no such thing, that your truth isn't my truth, that there is no truth, that your truth is wrong/hateful/cruel/a lie, that's a tough thing to do. Truth is right up there with faith, in being the challenge that takes an entire lifetime. Lies will come and go, and change as you change. But truth is the constant that takes you through the lies, to greater understanding of who you are, and who you are meant to be.
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