It's 12:30 am, and I can't sleep. Rather, I refuse to for the moment.
You see, I've been catching up on my friends blogs here, away from my other, more central, blogging home. And I've realized something.
I don't really know them at all.
These words we put down, for posterity or for expression, or even just for catharsis, they don't define us. Semantics of language is one thing I'm a stickler for, but its easy enough to know that about me. Just listen to me talk for five minutes.
But does anyone really know how I'll be reading along, and a turn of phrase will captivate me, make me go dreamy-eyed, imagination taking off for parts unknown? Does anyone know the things that can get a reaction like nothing else? The soul-deep feelings, convictions, and desires?
No, I didn't think so. So I'll sit here, 1230 am, and think a bit more about these things that I will be wrestling with for a while. Things that are separate from other people.
But not from God.
And I have to learn to live with the comfort that brings me. However little that may be at 12:30 am. However little I try to understand it. However little my heart's capacity for His truth may be.
Because it all comes down to choice. I cannot advocate for an abdication of social responsibility. You're greater than the sum of your parts your DNA, your habits, your vices, your desires, your wants. You're greater, because HE is greater.
I wish.... no, I PRAY, that He become greater in me. So that my way ceases to be the best way for me. And my choices, whatever they may be, become something I can live with, and not hate myself for.
How can you love anyone else, even God, if you can't love yourself?
About Me
- The Rainbow Jen
- I never know what to put in these things. If you know me, you know what goes here. If you don't, won't reading the blog tell you what you need to know?
1 comment:
Ouch... that's convicting. But some of the best thinking is done at 12:30am ;o)
that is so encouraging to me, so true. I love you too! wish we could talk more, and more indepth. Ah, but such is life that separates us and yet somehow seems to bring us together... you are freaking awesome, just thot you should know.
luv ya!
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